Family Problem

Family Problem?

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said:

"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

Holy Humour

Holy Humour

1. There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY. Trespassers will be baptized!

2. "No, God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."

3. "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins."

5. "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

6. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

7. When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

8. "People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."

9. "Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."

10. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Nonsmoking?"

11. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"

12. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

13. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."

14. "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."

15. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

16. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

17. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."

18. "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"

(U R)

19. "In the dark? Follow the Son."

20. "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."

21. "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

Have a Holy Peaceful Life....

Sixth Sense

Sixth Sense

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,

"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbour James dropped dead on our porch."

Superb Definitions

CIGARETTE:

A pinch of tobacco

rolled in paper

with fire at one end

and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement

wherein

a man loses his bachelor degree

and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:

An art of transmitting Information

from the notes of the lecturer

to the notes of students

without passing through the minds

of either

CONFERENCE:

The confusion of one man

multiplied by the

number present

COMPROMISE:

The art of dividing

a cake in such a way that

everybody believes

he got the biggest piece

TEARS:

The hydraulic force by which

masculine will power is

defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:

A place where divorce comes

before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:

A place where everybody talks,

nobody listens

and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:

A feeling when you feel

you are going to feel

a feeling

you have never felt before

CLASSIC:

A book

which people praise,

but never read

SMILE:

A curve

that can set

a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:

A place

where you can relax

after your strenuous

home life

YAWN:

The only time

when some married men

ever get to open

their mouth

Error! Filename not specified.

ETC:

A sign

to make others believe

that you know

more than

you actually do

COMMITTEE:

Individuals

who can do

nothing individually

and sit to decide

that nothing can be done

together

EXPERIENCE:

The name

men give

to their

Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:

An invention

to bring an end

to all

inventions

PHILOSOPHER:

A fool

who torments himself

during life,

to be spoken of

when dead

DIPLOMAT:

A person

who tells you

to go to hell

in such a way

that you actually look forward

to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:

A person

who starts taking bath

if he

accidentally falls

into a river

OPTIMIST:

A person

who while falling

from EIFFEL TOWER

says in midway

"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST:

A person

who says that

O is the last letter

in ZERO,

Instead of the first letter

in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:

A person

who lives poor

so that

he can die RICH!

FATHER:

A banker

provided by

nature

CRIMINAL:

A guy

no different

from the other,

unless he gets caught

BOSS:

Someone

who is early

when you are late

and late

when you are early

POLITICIAN:

One who

shakes your hand

before elections

and your Confidence

Later

DOCTOR:

A person

who kills

your ills

by pills,

and kills you

by his bills!

Marriage Proposal

This is an actual letter (taken from the Times of India ) in response to a `Marriage Proposal' advertisement.

Madam, I am one young gentleman living only with myself in Patna . I am seeing your advertisement for marriage purpose in the daily newspaper. So I decide to press myself on you and I am hopping you will make the marriage with me.

I am the son of my father & mother of agriculture family from inside Patna . I having no sister and no brother also. I become big in Patna only. I educate myself in the Zuarilal Himmatlal High School , Bezna Road . I am nice and big, six foots tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness why because I am working hardly. I am playing also hardly.

Especially I am liking the cricket. I am a good batter also I am fast baller. Whenever I am coming running for the balling, all batters are running everywhere why because they are afraiding my balls. My balls are bouncing too much high. That is very danger for them.

I am very nice gentleman. I always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy always and gay also. Ladies they are saying I am nice and soft because I giving respect to them. I am always liking if ladies are on top. That is how nice I am.

I am not having any bad habits. I drink milk only and no other bad things. I am not chewing cigarettes or eating gutka paan why because it not good for all the peoples. So I am not doing so. I am keep fitting everyday. Morning I am going to jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can came and see how I pumping the dumb bells in the jim. And now good muscles are come outing everywhere.

I am having very much money in my pant everyday and my pant is everyday open for you why because I am nice gentleman, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking my things into my own hands everyday. That is why I want to press myself on you, so that you will come and take my things into your hands.

Madam, if you are marrying me, I am telling you, I will be hardly loving you everyday. If you are not marrying me then I will press you and press you until you come. I am at your feet and slowing looking up, with hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply why because I am stiff with excitement and anticipation.

Expecting good answer and replies to me in the future.

Namaste.

Thanks

Kids LOVE letter

Kid's LOVE letter:

Dear pinki,

I love u. My dream i see u. Evrywhere u. U no, i live no. I come red shirt tomorow. U love i, u come red frock. I wait down mango tree. U no come, I jump tree. Sure come.

Yours lovely,

...tinku

UKG.. C. Sec...

Girl replies...

Darling,

Your letter mummy see.. papa beat me n lock my room door,i no come, u no jump. i love u too.

your's lovely

pinki

UKG B. SEc.

A Sweet Story

A Sweet Story:

Once a girl askd a boy-Y we have units to measure Weight,Height,Force,Speed,Dist

ance etc. Bt nothin to measure Luv,Trust, Frndshp..

Y??

Boy thought for a while,

Took her in his arms,

Lookd into her deep eyes nd said-

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Dekh

.

.

.

.

Dimag mt kha.

Already physics me fail hun.. :-P